Surviving Brokenness in the Church

Aaron Westera
Mar 17, 2022
6 min read

I got some feedback on my last post that I didn't mention the "victim" at all, focusing only on Bruxy and the other church leaders who have failed and hurt the church. That is true. The main point of that writing was to highlight our collective responsibility to own what has brought us here: our failure to live out the our collective and individual calling to reflect the teaching and personhood of Jesus. We need to change this broken system that will always lead to disappointment and pain. In that post, I seemingly ignored those directly impacted and abused, the people this system has afflicted and left behind in their wake. This was intentional for a few reasons:

I wanted to do a separate post on this and give it the deserved attention it warrants. I'm not a brief communicator (no shock there to anyone), so I am trying to be as succinct as possible in my posts.
I wanted to start with what I have spent the most time reflecting on and working towards in my life: the church's calling to be more like Jesus in all ways.
I wanted to realize my triggers, bias, and emotions. I am also a person processing this in real-time, and I needed more time to reflect and pray. My writing helps me do that, but I also write to help others hopefully process, give words to their own feelings, or learn as we go through this together.
The wound is still VERY fresh. I've already seen this situation open up old wounds of church pain and abuse, and I know it has created new ones. I was trying to give some space in that.

I want to own that all of this is messy and complicated and emotional and draining and confusing and triggering and inflaming and enraging and personal. We all view this through our own lenses: complete with our baggage, wounds, and mix of emotions; nobody is objective or unbiased in approaching and processing. I can't help to process this from my own lived experience and world as a married, white, 34-year-old pastor who profoundly loves Jesus and wants to see the church be the Church Jesus calls us to be. I can create room and space to understand others and their different lived experiences, but I can only be me and move out of my understanding. I ask - if you ever disagree with what I write - before you stop reading and click off this post in dismissal, you take a minute to breathe and step back, hear me out, process it yourself, and to reach out to me: I want to dialogue on this, to understand other's point of view, and if I'm ever in the wrong or there is another point of view I do want to learn.

First, my words for ANYONE who has experienced hurt is to invite you to turn it over to Jesus. The wounded healer. The good shepherd. The loving provider. The understanding counsellor. The everlasting truth. The safe and trustworthy guide. The Lord of our lives.

Who understands being betrayed, hurt, and abandoned by someone they love and trust: Jesus

Who understands being abused to the extent of torture and death: Jesus

Who understands the public crowds spitting hurtful comments of misunderstanding: Jesus

Who understands seeing people profoundly fail around Him: Jesus

Who understands religious leaders being inadequate: Jesus

Who understands broken systems that lead to pain and hurt: Jesus

Jesus understands what we're going through and wants us to bring all of this to Him.

He always continues to be with us.

He brings us to hope and healing.

He journeys with us in our pain and suffering.

He works despite all our brokenness.

He walks with us out of a space of understanding.

He continues to be our safe space.

He is there for this story of abuse of power, betrayal, and hurt.

He is there for every story.

Every story.

We each have full permission to feel whatever we are feeling; it is ok to feel. This week's emotions in my life: Confused. Betrayed. Angry. Broken. Disenchanted. Crushed. Outraged. Embittered. Heartbroken. Heavy. Sorrowful. Hurt. Disappointed. Numb. Saddened. Exhausted...To name a few. Those feelings, and whatever feelings you might have, are real in and of themselves simply because they are felt. We can't control what feelings come up. What we can, and must, do is observe the feelings we have and then own our response to those emotions.

We certainly are diverse in our opinions on this situation: The actions or inactions of people, the way it should or shouldn't have been handled, the resolution or things left unresolved, the treatment of those directly involved, the answers we do or don't have. Regardless of where you land on any of that, if we are followers of Jesus, then our response has to reflect Jesus. We are doomed from the get-go when our church focuses on anything other than His Kingdom. Just as our leaders cause pain and disappointment when they look or act nothing like Jesus, so do we all. The church perpetuates and causes more hurt when our response(s) do not reflect His ways. There is nothing that anyone can do to us that should take us away from faithfully following and serving Jesus. Be with Jesus, be like Jesus, do things Jesus would do.

There are easier ways.

This is a difficult calling.

This is counter what comes naturally and what our world teaches.

When we're hurt, we naturally want to lash out in response.

When we're opposed, we are taught to fight back in kind.

When we are wronged we long to see the other person feel the same. Jesus calls us to something different.

Let me be clear:

This does not mean we don't seek healing for hurts and accept abuse.

This does not mean we don't fight back against injustice and evil

This does not mean we do not hold people accountable for their actions.

I am saying that the ways of Jesus are different:

We seek healing in Jesus with our response to model forgiveness and reconciliation. We are set free when we do this. (Col 3:13, Eph 4:31-32, Mt 6:14-15, 2 Cor 5:14-21)

We fight injustice and evil at every turn, with love and faithfulness. We reflect God's perfect character when we do this. (Mt 5:38-48, 1 Cor 6:17, John 13:35)

We view everyone as a broken reflection of God's image. We see the world change when we shift to that perspective. (1 John 3:1, James 3:1, Rom 8:29)

My last post was on the church and church leaders needing to repent and turn to Jesus for our example to fix the brokenness. Anyone hurting also needs to turn to Jesus for healing and as an example in how to respond to what has caused pain. You. Me. Victim. Perpetrator. Them. Us. Everyone - The answer is turning to Jesus. The solution is laying whatever brokenness we at His feet. The calling is to better act and respond in a Christ-centred way. What unifies us is Christ. What keeps our community together is moving towards something better: looking and reflecting Jesus.

This situation has hurt me profoundly, and I’ve heard from many others so I know I'm not the only one. There are definitely those more afflicted by all of this, particularly "Haggar," and I can't begin to imagine the pain she has experienced. This whole situation breaks my heart: It's broken for her. It's broken for Bruxy. It's broken for Bruxy's family. It's broken for The Meeting House community. It's broken for the leaders who are now trying to pastor their parishes through this. It's broken for the Church. Wherever you find yourself in any of this:

Jesus has not forgotten you.

Jesus is working in all of this.

Jesus walks alongside you in the brokenness.

Jesus is calling each us to be the church together.

Jesus loves you beyond what you can imagine.

I want to end with some words of Jesus, the only way we survive brokenness:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” - Jesus