Agree to Disagree Well (Part 1)

Removing our US vs THEM labels.

I once heard a pastor say that you should read every book of the bible, including the minor profits, for the sole purpose of avoiding the awkward situation you might find yourself in when you encounter them in Heaven. You don't want to run into Zephaniah or Habakkuk having never read their contributions to the bible; how uncomfortable a social interaction would that be to have never even heard of them! Heaven will be a massive place, but eventually, you'll run into them.

You know who else you will run into in Heaven: Those who go to a different church denomination who believe that thing you don't. Yes, that thing. Those who vote differently than you for that party you despise. Yes, even that political party. Those who think wildly opposite you on that topic you are passionate about Yes, even that topic. Those from different walks of life who look, talk, think, and act nothing like you.

Heaven might be a big place, but you can't avoid others forever. If that is the picture of Heaven that you carry, having to avoid others, then we have a very different idea of what it will be like in the Kingdom of Heaven. Now imagine, in Heaven, if we treated each other like we do here on earth: we scream at each other over minor issues, block/avoid/delete those who disagree with us, call each other despicable names, and slap labels that try to delegitimize other's points or that they are even part of the group. It's all good and well to say that is not how things will be in Heaven, but there is an ownness on us to live out the Kingdom here on earth as it is in Heaven. What is currently happening is a far example of being the Kingdom of Heaven and God's people united under Christ. It's far from Jesus' vision for His followers.

So how do we change this narrative?

It starts with changing our own mindset and approach. So often in our attitudes and minds, be it subconsciously or consciously, we create two types of Christians: the "right" kind and the "wrong" kind. How many times have you been frustrated with a particular group of Christians for what they have said or done these last 18 months? Did you start to write "them" off and distance that group in your mind by saying they're not real Christians? Did you wish they would "just get it" and see the issue the "correct" way? Did you wonder how they could believe and justify what they are saying and doing? Were your thoughts or actions towards them even considering they are a brother or sister in Christ? ... Don't worry if you've felt that you're not the only one.

When you probe deeper, you'll find the "correct" kind of Christian is all the things you are, where the wrong kind of Christian are "those people" who we avoid, dismiss, attack, and don't understand. Interestingly enough, my "correct" version is someone else's "wrong" version and vice versa. We can easily slip into this binary mentality where we label everything as right or wrong, in or out, us or them. This mindset is often described as a bounded set, all about boundaries where you have to affirm the correct beliefs and practice the right behaviours to belong. Jesus, on the other hand, calls us towards a different mindset: a centred set, a movement towards a particular direction, towards Him and His teachings as the only marker, standard, and example.

Before I go any further, I do want to point out I'm not advocating the removal of all standards as I think it is essential we have rich discussions about truth. I am saying that MOST people's standards as to what it means to be Christian are far too black and white, and the foundational qualifying beliefs they impose are not nearly as important as they make it out to be. Simply stated: to be a Christian is to follow Christ with your life. Everything beyond that is extra.

There are young and old Christians,

conservative and liberal Christians,

gay and straight Christians,

seven-day literalist and evolution-believing Christians,

single and married Christians,

rich and poor Christians,

Calvinist and Arminianist Christians,

egalitarianism and complementarianism Christians,

unplugged and tech-savvy Christians,

vaccinated and unvaccinated Christians,

intellectual and ignorant Christians,

Catholic and Baptist Christians,

Christians who believe in flat-earth,

Christians who don't believe women shouldn't speak in church,

Christians who have bought into racial ideologies,

Christians who believe Jesus would endorse killing in his name,

Christians who rarely read their bible,

Christians who think Jesus spoke English,

Christians who think only Hymns are worship,

Christians who believe God wants you to live in a mansion,

Christians who believe the King James is the only valid version of the Bible,

Christians who find going to church a chore and boring,

Christians who have blended a sense of nationalism into faith,

Christians who foolishly cling to the hope the Leafs will win the cup, and even

Christians who believe pineapple belongs on pizza.

If that wasn't enough, almost all these beliefs also have a spectrum that people can land on the topic. There are also far more dividers than just these! Just a reminder: We will likely share Heaven one day with many people of differing opinions.

These issues are worth discussing, and we should take stances that align with our beliefs and convictions. It is framing these discussions in their correct place: it is more than ok to say, "in my interpretation, I think Jesus would believe X and here's why I think that..." but rarely ok to say, "if you don't follow my interpretation on X that I think Jesus would believe then you're no longer a Christian." It's a slight shift, but thankfully none of us has the authority to make any definitive statement on each other's faith. All we can do is remind each other what the one who does have that authority, Jesus, had to say about what He expects on His followers. Hint, it's those who exude love for all, embraces Kingdom values, and give up of themselves for others. In our arguments and disagreements, we need to be reminded of Jesus' words "by this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).

We must always fight for truth, but HOW we do so is vitally important. We represent Jesus well when we love others, regardless of differences. This is how we show Jesus' heart, and trust me, the rest of the world is watching! It's no secret I hold lots of strong opinions. I even like to think my viewpoints on different topics are well thought out and defendable based on the research and my understanding. This wasn't always the case, but I don't usually take a stance on something until I've at least thought it through. I, of course, have my blind spots and know I can only speak out of my own understanding and experience, and I learned enough to know I don't know everything. I've had to work hard to hold a posture where I can sit and listen to others share their alternative viewpoints from where I would land (some days I'm better at this than other days). That doesn't mean I'll always agree at the end of the day, especially because I've learned most surface issues are rooted deep in differing philosophical worldviews, which is usually a giant can of worms to open. Still, you and I must listen and try to understand each other. You will always get further when you stop only trying to convince someone of something and instead work towards them knowing they're heard so they can then listen to you. I'm learning to be better at trying not to dismiss other's opinions, to treat others with respect enough to listen and understand, and love in the process.

It's not about NOT disagreeing, but disagreeing well with each other. It's about putting down our battle-ready arguments and caring more for the person on the other side of the issue than simply "winning" the discussion. You can eliminate alternative voices till everyone agrees on what is right, or you live in an authentic community as God calls us to. If you are always bringing a shield and sword to engage in battle, you've already lost as you've missed the point.

It's also essential to keep in mind that, for the most part, you will find conviction and ignorance, intelligence and misunderstanding, good and ill intentions, and judgement and grace represented on BOTH sides of a disagreement. To assume the worst of those who are on the other side of things is the issue. These issues can drive us apart if we let them, but they don't have to. Our binding force should be Jesus. Our default posture should be love and understanding. We will not agree on everything, but our diverse opinions need to be celebrated instead of isolating. We all need to be, in our interactions, love-soaked and grace-filled in search of a shared understanding.

Stay tuned for Part 2-4! Let me tell you where this series is going: We'll talk about embracing the beauty of diversity, why our new target should be to find the shared understanding and how to get there, and what to do when it feels like it's just you moving in this direction.